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Archive for August 13th, 2009

The following is a script that I pitched to Marvel Comics a few years back after an inquiry for “new ideas” and new writers. Nothing ever came of this, but I thought it was kind of a funny idea nonetheless. Here’s part one…

 

PAGE one

PANEL 1

We open on a SPLASH PAGE showing that of “Sir Reginald’s Olde Tyme Eatery and Fun Factorium”, a theme restaurant complete with antiquated gadgets, turn of the 20th Century photos, and moose heads. The Factoruim is busy this particular evening. There is a flurry of action. The wait staff are dressed in Barber Shop quartet uniforms, adorned with red and white stipes and wearing straw hats. The RED SKULL and MODOK linger at the back of the restaurant watching the action unfold. The Red Skull is dressed in a sport jacket and jeans while Modok still retains his super villain uniform. Leave room at the top for the title: Red Skull and Modok in: When Animals Distract! 

RED SKULL

Who would have thought a week ago we’d have this place up and running, eh Modok? Hmmm?…

MODOK

Yes, yes. I am aware of your keen powers of observation, Red Skull. However, there is still time for something to go horribly wrong!

RED SKULL

Relax…you’re a ‘the glass is half-empty’ kind of person aren’t you?

MODOK

Enough with your allusions to partially drained glasses of water! I must see how our new chef is doing in the kitchen!

PAGE TWO

PANEL 1

The Red Skull is pictured in the extreme foreground watching Modok in the background who is sitting in his thought- controlled magnetic powered mobile chair, heading off toward the kitchen.

RED SKULL

What a crazy bastard! He’s always so neurotic about everything: “We shouldn’t build anything without a permit”, “No flaming desserts of any kind”, “Always use real eggs!” Jeez, what a killjoy!

PANEL 2

One of the waitresses, JULIE, a young woman in her twenties with jet black hair, cropped short, wearing glasses with thick, black frames, approaches the RED SKULL and pulls him to the side momentarily.

JULIE

(flatly)

You better take a look outside. Our new valet isn’t quite working out.

RED SKULL

You mean Sir Chips? He just needs a little practice that’s all.

PANEL 3

We cut to a wide panel with Julie on the left edge of the panel, making broad gestures with her hands, while on the right edge, Red Skull looks indigent, starring off-screen.

JULIE

People are complaining. He keeps taking off with cars and throwing car keys into the on-coming traffic. One person claimed he gave them the finger.

RED SKULL

The finger? I doubt it. That’s advanced sign language. You know, they should try training a chimpanzee to be a valet much less putting one of those uniforms on one! It’s not as easy as it looks! Alright, I’ll have a talk with him. We’ll get this straightened out, or may name isn’t…

PANEL 4

The Red Skull is framed in a dramatic, worm’s-eye-view dutch angle.

RED SKULL (cont’d)

 THE RED SKULL!

PANEL 5

The framing of the panel returns to a medium wide shot of both Julie and the Red Skull.

JULIE

You’ve got a little piece of spinach in your teeth.

RED SKULL

(suddenly self-conscious)

Really, where?

JULIE

Right there…between your two front teeth…(pointing)

RED SKULL

(picking at his front teeth)

Right here?…did I get it…

JULIE

No…wait…yeah…you got it…

RED SKULL

(embarrassed)

Man, I wonder how long that was there! I bet I’m turning red! I hope that Cynthia didn’t notice…

PANEL 6

The same framing as panel 5.

JULIE

Who?

RED SKULL

My doctor. I had my physical earlier today. I was thinking of asking her out.

JULIE

You’re going to ask a woman on a date that had you turn and cough?

RED SKULL

You make it sound so sorted. Besides, I don’t get the chance to meet that many women, much less a professional such as Cynthia. She has a job, probably makes a good salary, is extremely articulate. She has warm hands. Plus, we’ve already gotten passed the hardest part.

PANEL 7

The same framing as 5 and 6.

JULIE

What, the viewing of the family jewels?

RED SKULL

That’s just crass. No, she saw me naked. I mean that’s the most difficult part of dating someone. Getting passed the nudity. 

JULIE

You were completely naked?

RED SKULL

Of course. She said it was better if I were naked for the examination. Especially with all of the lights she had set up. Apparently me being completely naked works better with the lights and the camera.

JULIE

(suspicious)

She was taking photos?

RED SKULL

Well, duh. You act like you’ve never had physical before.

 

PAGE THREE

PANEL 1

Julie exits the frame, leaving the Red Skull looking slightly awkward. The Red Skull is framed in the extreme foreground still picking at his teeth.

RED SKULL (cont’d)

That’s the last time I use Spinach Souffle flavored dental floss.

PANEL 2

Just as the Red Skull is about to turn and leave, a stocky man in a white suit, gold cowboy boots, a holster with two pistols and a ten gallon hat, marches into the frame carrying a rooster. This is TEXAS BOB, Red Skull and Modok’s longtime friend, a brash and somewhat obnoxious used car dealer.

RED SKULL (cont’d)

Texas Bob! Look, I can’t talk…

Texas bob

Whoa, slow down partner, you always have time to talk to Texas Bob! Now lookie here son…

RED SKULL

Really, I—

TEXAS BOB

Now, what’s more important than an old friend like me? I got a favor that needs a askin’!

PANEL 3

The Red Skull pulls Texas Bob aside.

RED SKULL

You can’t bring roosters into the restaurant. There are regulations…

TEXAS BOB

Regulations, smegulations boy! This heres’ business. And business is my middle name! I’m serious, I had it legally changed! Anyhow, I need you to look after Rocky here for a few days. He’s my prize-winning cock fighter! He’s got a regiment of vitamins, exercise, what have you, that must be done every day without fail!

RED SKULL

You know, cock fighting  is illegal!

TEXAS BOB

Well, so are concealed weapons, but that doesn’t stop me from having four hand guns stuffed down the front of my pants! Oh, and he likes to watch re-runs of Barnaby Jones at 2:00 and 10:00.

RED SKULL

(surprised)

Wait. You’re serious? You want me to baby-sit your rooster?

PANEL 4

Cut to a medium close-up of Texas Bob, leaning forward and pointing his index finger at the Red Skull.

TEXAS BOB

No, I want you to read him 18th century poetry and give him a manicure. What the hell have I been talkin’ about for the last thirty seconds?!

RED SKULL

Well

TEXAS BOB

You owe me one, Red Skull. Remember when you went on vacation last year and I watered your plants and picked up all your mail? Huh? There sure as hell would have been a lot of dead plants and uncollected mail if it wasn’t for me! And don’t forget the great deal I got you on that Le Baron! 

PANEL 5

The Red Skull and Texas Bob are tightly framed from the side; Texas Bob looks up at Red Skull who looks extremely uncomfortable being that close to Texas Bob. Texas Bob’s fat, stubby finger pokes Red Skull in the chest.

RED SKULL

(frustrated)

Alright, alright I’ll do it!

TEXAS BOB

(jubilant)

Hoo-Wee! It’s just for the weekend while I hop on a plane to Las Vegas to try to stop my sister from marrying some damn Yankee from Vermont!

 

PAGE FOUR

PANEL 1

Texas Bob thrusts Rocky the Rooster into the Red Skull’s hands. The Red Skull and Rocky look at one another briefly.

PANEL 2

The panel is framed looking over-the-shoulder of the Red Skull watching Texas Bob as he runs out the front door of the restaurant. Texas Bob fires off both his pistols while patrons duck and scream.

TEXAS BOB (cont’d)

I’ll see you in a few days! Yee-Haw!

PANEL 3

Modok floats back into frame looking aggravated as usual. Red Skull is still holding Rocky.

MODOK

I, Modok, wielder of all that is powerful, was told to leave the kitchen. There is more than one way to prepare good Jambalaya! But would he listen? Of course not! Damn French chefs! I would incinerate him with my deadly mind powers if it wasn’t for the fact that I’ve already done that to the last three chefs!

RED SKULL

(not phased)

Yeah, yeah, your powers are deadly. Here, take this rooster into the kitchen and keep him there until we close!

PANEL 4

Modok, confused, takes the rooster.

MODOK

What in the name of Fin Fang Foom’s Florida timeshare is this?

RED SKULL

It’s Texas Bob’s prize-winning cock fighter. I said I would watch it for the weekend. I owe him a favor.

MODOK

What, for that Le Baron? It took you three weeks just to get the blood stains out of the trunk. Some deal!

RED SKULL

(angry)

Would you just take him back to the kitchen already?

PANEL 5

Modok floats away to the kitchen carrying the rooster, just as Julie enters the frame again. The layout is from a birds-eye-view.

JULIE

Red Skull, you better get out to the parking lot, Sir Chips is starting to throw crap at people.

RED SKULL

What, like rocks?

JULIE

No, he’s literally throwing his own feces. It’s getting pretty ugly.

Panel 6

The Red Skull is framed dramatically, in mid run, while Julie watches him leave.

RED SKULL

I’m on my way!

JULIE

(calling after Red Skull)

You might want to wear a poncho!

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